Men Are Not The Problem

Men Are Not The Problem

This book is many things in one.  First is has a very powerful and courageous message.    Its courageous because it a story message where the author is the story.   The messages are  revealed one by one to make a case for the title of the book.  So let’s break down courage first and then go in to detail on the message.  The title alone courageously barks out controversy.  Who could assume the audacity to make such a proclamation and put it on the cover of a book?  One could take the safe strategy of providing stats and opinions of other experts in the field of ‘experts’ all leading up to this conclusion that men are not the problem and bury it safely on the second to last page of the book.  One could askwhat kind of credentials could this author have to make such a bold statement.  The answer lay in her story.  

The story alone is a riveting page turner.  Its full of life, tragedy, discovery, feeling, love, and heeling.  It starts with rape and ends with love.  The setting of the story is 21 century Americas.  The story is her credentials because it is her story.  She has a PhL’ on the subject.  And it will bring you to your knees in tears.  The tears are at first for sorrow, but then for joy.  The joy comes from recovery, tragedy, and the authors’ own heeling.  It doesn’t stop there.  She moves on to the “Cause”, her call to not just action but to duty.  What could we as a society of ONE do to make a difference?   What is the cause… its bringing the relationship of men and women back to what was intended.  Chris Tuhy knits together ten tenants in life, call them commandments, that prescribe how to live in a world as ONE which is indeed her message.  

Look at this review as a huge metaphor.  I won’t go in to detail on the tenants because like poetry when you blend her story with ‘your story’ each tenant will sit uniquely in your own mind and in your own heart.  I choose not to steal that from you.  So instead let me share my experience reading each chapter….a page turner that I read without putting it down.  I couldn’t!!!!  When your finished please share. 

1.       Desire.  The author’s allegory:  Chocolate chip cookies.  First off, I love chocolate chip cookies, especially the ones my daughter Claire makes.  You could bribe me with them, avocados, Amarula and to be honest a naked lady.  The author uses metaphor in story.  Someone else did that a little over 2,000 years ago.  He too was courageous.  So how powerful is desire.  Like everything it’s a coin with two sided.  Chris concludes with the side that entices you to leverage the power of desire to at least read on.  By this point there exists in the reader that desire.  And when you do, the road map of heeling to wholeness is revealed.

2.       Paradox:  Most people would say a paradox is something to avoid.  And if its staring you in the face, the safe thing to do is quietly walk around it.  But no, this author sees the beauty, the power in paradox.  Paradox allows you a comfort zone to live in the grey area of life.  I don’t know about you, but I’ll admit my grey area is pretty big.  And I’ll just ask this to make this point; how sure are you of your sure thing?

3.       Power:  In this book the power struggle is men-v-women.  Tuhy goes in to the dynamics of it and this is for you to read.  Its in those dynamics  viewed through different lenses, like an optometrist she offers them,  that power shifts its complexion.  Then all of a sudden over time the illusion of power gives way to something beautiful.  And then yes the reader HAS to turn the page.

4.       Pain.  Why choose pain.  Ask Thuy.  Read the book.  Tuhy writes a prescription for processing pain.  Like the pharmacy of centuries ago the prescription is proven by her taking the medicine.  It starts with conversation.  How could you have a men-women conversation without talking about dynamics of sex, the power trip and the emotional pain.  So see I the book critic finally talks about sex.  If she could only take on the testosterone hormone of men I’d take that drug too.  

5.       Forgiveness.  This is my favorite word and Chris Tuhy does not disappoint.  She writes of four principles.  I am sure we each could make our own list.  And these four would be on it.  In the end forgiveness is unconditional acceptance of your fellow man…or woman.  This is in my mind love.  There is no right.  There is no wrong.  There only is.

6.       Response-ability.  Going back to the drug for men…it lay in this chapter.  What are the possibilities for all of mankind if the words ‘let men be men’ be allowed.  Would the character that is played out in todays western man be different?  There is a terrible side for sure in sexual harassment and the whole slippery slope to rape.   A coin has two sides.    What does Tuhy at the top of the slippery slope is dispels todays left and media mantra that spins ‘let men be men’ negatively.  She and describes the other side of that whole coin.   This is called context.  What is truth?  What is the whole truth?   The reader is given the opportunity to tie together the chapters previously covered as she knits the solution in this paradox.

7.       The Attack on Sex.  Take sex as a language without words, as words are mere metaphors of what is so. Without words, sex language in her words is malleable.  It has to be for mankind to have made it this far. The idea that it has to fit in a box of social norms is counterproductive.  This is where Tuhy stretches the conversation, through another yet another paradox, and out of your comfort zone.  But no worries, she leads you back into your comfort zone as she artfully speaks about the intention of sex from a place that has been miss placed….lost.

8.       Family.  How could family be a hot button?  How could it be controversial?  Tuhy will push the hot buttons.  Where does the modern man fit in today’s family?  To be fair you could write volumes on this topic.  In the end through a quantum leap of connected dots her message is get us back to basic.  The Land.

9.       The Land.  This takes on a zen like complexion where the land is a living thing.  Our society today, having lost touch with the land puts us on the collision course of pitting man against women.  What is lost and what is gained?  The working woman and stay at home dad may take issue with chapters eight and nine.  But I’ll go out on a limb and beyond Tuhy and pose this as a general society question:  How many of us wonder who was wearing the pants in the Clinton White House?  We know whose pants were down.  Why was that?  Where was response ability?  What would have a Clinton II White House look like?  What would chapters one through seven look like?  Ask Monica.  These questions were NOT posed in the book.  But this reader was inspired to ask them.

1    Country.  This chapter is about freedom of speech…something that Tuhy says has lost its way.  Why can’t we talk IN THE OPEN about sensitive subject that shake our humanity to its core? I think it’s the miracle of a courageous women to be that voice calling for UNITY.  Calling for an all inclusive conversation that is safe from the agendas of political parties and today’s media.   

In a wrap, Chris Tuhy is a genius.  She entertains the reader through story of suspense and drama, told with a flare for poetry.  It was a carefully painted garden of who we are through the lens of who she is.  In the end I fell in love with her work.  I am convinced she will have a long line standing at her door for more.  If I had the opportunity, I’d spend untold hours in conversation with her.  I suspect I’ll eventually wittiness on her stage at conferences, TV and talk show appearance TED Talk.  You should read this masterpiece and formulate your own “Talk Show Host” interview questions.