Men Are Not The Problem
This book is many things in one. First is has a very powerful and courageous message. Its
courageous because it a story message where the author is the story. The
messages are revealed one by one to make
a case for the title of the book. So let’s
break down courage first and then go in to detail on the message. The title alone courageously barks out
controversy. Who could assume the audacity
to make such a proclamation and put it on the cover of a book? One could take the safe strategy of providing
stats and opinions of other experts in the field of ‘experts’ all leading up to
this conclusion that men are not the problem and bury it safely on
the second to last page of the book. One could askwhat
kind of credentials could this author have to make such a bold statement. The answer lay in her story.
The story alone is a riveting page turner. Its full of life, tragedy, discovery,
feeling, love, and heeling. It starts
with rape and ends with love. The
setting of the story is 21 century Americas. The story is her credentials because it is her
story. She has a PhL’ on the
subject. And it will bring you to your
knees in tears. The tears are at first
for sorrow, but then for joy. The joy
comes from recovery, tragedy, and the authors’ own heeling. It doesn’t stop there. She moves on to the “Cause”, her call to not
just action but to duty. What could we
as a society of ONE do to make a difference?
What is the cause… its bringing the relationship of men and women back
to what was intended. Chris Tuhy knits
together ten tenants in life, call them commandments, that prescribe how to
live in a world as ONE which is indeed her message.
Look at this review as a huge metaphor. I won’t go in to detail on the tenants because
like poetry when you blend her story with ‘your story’ each tenant will sit
uniquely in your own mind and in your own heart. I choose not to steal that from you. So instead let me share my experience reading
each chapter….a page turner that I read without putting it down. I couldn’t!!!! When your finished please share.
1.
Desire. The
author’s allegory: Chocolate chip
cookies. First off, I love chocolate
chip cookies, especially the ones my daughter Claire makes. You could bribe me with them, avocados,
Amarula and to be honest a naked lady.
The author uses metaphor in story.
Someone else did that a little over 2,000 years ago. He too was courageous. So how powerful is desire. Like everything it’s a coin with two
sided. Chris concludes with the side
that entices you to leverage the power of desire to at least read on. By this point there exists in the reader that
desire. And when you do, the road map of
heeling to wholeness is revealed.
2.
Paradox:
Most people would say a paradox is something to avoid. And if its staring you in the face, the safe
thing to do is quietly walk around it.
But no, this author sees the beauty, the power in paradox. Paradox allows you a comfort zone to live in
the grey area of life. I don’t know
about you, but I’ll admit my grey area is pretty big. And I’ll just ask this to make this point;
how sure are you of your sure thing?
3.
Power: In
this book the power struggle is men-v-women.
Tuhy goes in to the dynamics of it and this is for you to read. Its in those dynamics viewed through different lenses, like an
optometrist she offers them, that power
shifts its complexion. Then all of a
sudden over time the illusion of power gives way to something beautiful. And then yes the reader HAS to turn the page.
4.
Pain. Why
choose pain. Ask Thuy. Read the book. Tuhy writes a prescription for processing
pain. Like the pharmacy of centuries ago
the prescription is proven by her taking the medicine. It starts with conversation. How could you have a men-women conversation without
talking about dynamics of sex, the power trip and the emotional pain. So see I the book critic finally talks about
sex. If she could only take on the testosterone
hormone of men I’d take that drug too.
5.
Forgiveness.
This is my favorite word and Chris Tuhy does not disappoint. She writes of four principles. I am sure we each could make our own
list. And these four would be on
it. In the end forgiveness is
unconditional acceptance of your fellow man…or woman. This is in my mind love. There is no right. There is no wrong. There only is.
6.
Response-ability. Going back to the drug for men…it lay in this
chapter. What are the possibilities for
all of mankind if the words ‘let men be men’ be allowed. Would the character that is played out in
todays western man be different? There
is a terrible side for sure in sexual harassment and the whole slippery slope
to rape. A coin has two sides. What does Tuhy at the top of the slippery
slope is dispels todays left and media mantra that spins ‘let men be men’
negatively. She and describes the other
side of that whole coin. This is called
context. What is truth? What is the whole truth? The reader is given the opportunity to tie
together the chapters previously covered as she knits the solution in this
paradox.
7.
The Attack on Sex. Take sex as a language without words,
as words are mere metaphors of what is so. Without words, sex language in her
words is malleable. It has to be for
mankind to have made it this far. The idea that it has to fit in a box of
social norms is counterproductive. This
is where Tuhy stretches the conversation, through another yet another paradox,
and out of your comfort zone. But no
worries, she leads you back into your comfort zone as she artfully speaks about
the intention of sex from a place that has been miss placed….lost.
8.
Family.
How could family be a hot button?
How could it be controversial? Tuhy
will push the hot buttons. Where does
the modern man fit in today’s family? To
be fair you could write volumes on this topic.
In the end through a quantum leap of connected dots her message is get us
back to basic. The Land.
9.
The Land.
This takes on a zen like complexion where the land is a living
thing. Our society today, having lost
touch with the land puts us on the collision course of pitting man against
women. What is lost and what is
gained? The working woman and stay at
home dad may take issue with chapters eight and nine. But I’ll go out on a limb and beyond Tuhy and
pose this as a general society question:
How many of us wonder who was wearing the pants in the Clinton White
House? We know whose pants were
down. Why was that? Where was response ability? What would have a Clinton II White House look
like? What would chapters one through
seven look like? Ask Monica. These questions were NOT posed in the
book. But this reader was inspired to
ask them.
1 Country.
This chapter is about freedom of speech…something that Tuhy says has
lost its way. Why can’t we talk IN THE
OPEN about sensitive subject that shake our humanity to its core? I think it’s
the miracle of a courageous women to be that voice calling for UNITY. Calling for an all inclusive conversation
that is safe from the agendas of political parties and today’s media.
In a wrap, Chris Tuhy is a genius. She entertains the reader through story of
suspense and drama, told with a flare for poetry. It was a carefully painted garden of who we
are through the lens of who she is. In
the end I fell in love with her work. I am
convinced she will have a long line standing at her door for more. If I had the opportunity, I’d spend untold
hours in conversation with her. I
suspect I’ll eventually wittiness on her stage at conferences, TV and talk show
appearance TED Talk. You should read
this masterpiece and formulate your own “Talk Show Host” interview questions.
